Have you ever been in prison? I have. The prison of unforgiveness held me captive for many years. When people think of unforgiveness, thoughts of forced captivity rarely surface. Refusing however, to extend forgiveness actually holds you in the prison of bitterness, resentment and pain. Resulting in the sad reliving of the offense. Regrettably, I spent many years in the prison of unforgiveness before receiving the powerful freedom found in forgiveness.
An egregious offense of more than twenty years ago plagued me through nightmares and vivid mental replays. With racing heart and eyes wide open, the tenseness of my body held me motionless in the dark each time the memory reel began.
As each facet of the agonizing memory crowded my mind, through clenched teeth, I vowed never to forgive; as if my vow held the power of punishment.
no freedom in forgiveness
Though not a Christian at the time of the offense, I later came to know Christ as my Savior. With every haunting visit from the past, the Holy Spirit whispered “The Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” (Colossians 3:13)
Poisoned by anger and bitterness, my heart refused the offer of the freedom found in forgiveness, dismissing the Spirit’s words from my mind every time.
God continued his pursuit of me through the Holy Spirit, gently confronting me with my need to forgive my offender. Though possessing an intellectual understanding of forgiveness, my deceived heart believed forgiveness meant the offender went “unpunished”.
There is no freedom in forgiveness for me if it invalidates my suffering and releases the offender. Holding fast to this lie also kept the lock on the self-imposed prison cell shut tight.

god’s powerful intervention
Gradually, the Lord revealed at a basic level, by refusing forgiveness I attempted to ensure that my suffering exists and matters. But ultimately, choosing forgiveness releases hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment, healing my suffering.
Hiding behind a tough facade of false confidence, neat appearance and cynicism, I traversed the battlefield of forgiveness unrelenting, until one life changing encounter with God.
Join me at Living By Design, as I share my story of forgiveness; the day I learned the truth of the powerful freedom found in forgiveness. God stepped into my life with an unforgettable lesson, changing the way I viewed forgiveness forever.
Donna, what a powerful post. Forgiveness is all about our hearts, isn’t it? I’m thankful for God’s grace that eventually had its way in my heart with a couple of situations where I couldn’t forgive. But, forgiveness is the only key to unlock the prison bitterness wraps around us when we don’t forgive. We only punish ourselves.
Jeanne, thank you for your kind and encouraging words! Despite my long struggle, I learned the hard lesson of unforgiveness: that the punishment I thought I unleashed on my offender, was leveled at me. Only God can bring justice in His time and in His way, but I don’t need to sit in a self-made prison waiting for it!
Unforgiveness is a silken prison. We think it feels good, but its cords of bitterness hold us back from fully living life. I’ve discovered I have to regularly check and make sure I haven’t constructed a silken prison every once in a while!
Anita, such a great way to express the truth of unforgiveness. I certainly allowed myself to be bound by those cords of bitterness for many years. Like you, I must be diligent to search my heart for those deadly cords regularly! Thank you for reading my post and taking the time to comment!
Such powerful truths, Donna. What you’ve written reminds me of that saying about how holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I love how you point out that forgiving doesn’t invalidate our suffering, but that it’s also not up to us to bring our offenders to justice. I’m glad it’s up to God to handle all of that.
Lois, this was a hard lesson for me to learn. For many years I drank the poison meant for my offender, demanding “justice”. Oh how I praise God for His mercy towards me and patient hand in teaching me about true forgiveness.
There are so many misconceptions we can have about forgiveness. I have recently reread the book “Forgive and Forget” by Lewis Smedes (even tho the title is really a misnomer because he doesn’t equate forgetfulness with forgiveness). I’ve discovered that often I have to forgive again and again, even when I thought I had already done it. With my current situation, I am getting practice often. Thanks for placing forgiveness at the forefront of my mind again today.
Lisa, every time I speak or write about forgiveness I hear more comments which eveidence your thoughts here about misconceptions. The true fruit and healing of forgiveness is so powerful I think the enemy truly seeks to keep us from it. The book you mention sounds worth a read! I learned through my own trauma and trials, “forgetting” is not the goal, forgiveness is. The truth is, we WILL remember the hurts and offenses, but we must forgive even then, which is not always easy.
I think of and pray for you often, Lisa, I know your siuation is not easy, having similar ones in my own life. And I don’t always like the theme of forgiveness that greets me there, but am slowly seeing the healing in my own life when I choose to obey in this area.
So many words of life here, Donna. You summarized it well, “Embracing the healing found in Biblical forgiveness happens when we choose to forgive as fully as we are forgiven.”
Sometimes, I think that truth can be our first step in forgiveness…I forgive because You forgave me, helping us move from will to our heart.
And this is so true!
*Forgiveness is releasing negative emotions like anger, bitterness and resentment.
*Forgiveness is the willingness to stop rehearsing the offense.
*Forgiveness is an act of obedience and is between you and God.
Thank you for sharing your powerful testimony of freedom in God’s forgiveness.
Lisa, this was a tough lesson for me to learn, but probably the most valuable! I agree with you, “truth” can be the first step, realizing God’s forgiveness for us truly moves us to obedience. Thank you for that reminder!
Donna, it’s like we don’t even realize we’re in a prison of our own making until we start that forgiveneness journey and realize how much that other person / situation controlled us. What freedom comes when we can release another and be able to wish them well.
What did we miss along the way because we were too bound to the past …
Linda, realizing how I imprisoned myself by refusing to forgive took me many years, but I praise God HE showed me the truth and set me free! Indeed, a good question to ask, about what we missed along the way, I’m going to remember that!
Amen Donna, you are spot on and at the heart of the matter here. Harboring unforgiveness and resentment can sure tear your insides and mental health. I harbored it for a long time and it consumed me. Until, I surrendered it to God, and little by little I found that it was dissipating. Thank you for your encouraging words. Blessings.
Visiting from Let’s Have Coffee #19&20
Thank you Paula for your kind words. This lesson on forgiveness was so hard for me to learn! And even though God graciously spoke to me about it, and transformed my life, I still struggle to forgive more often than I want to admit!