Have you ever thought about what an impact time actually has on our lives? Most of us view time as the intervals when we get things “done”, like we never have “enough” time to “do” all the things on our lists. And if you’re like me, you hate “wasting” time. But today, I want to share with you how a sacred pause can change your life.
Welcome to Mindfulness Monday! Each week we explore how to be more present in each moment so that we can experience life more fully. That’s why I love this week’s topic of the sacred pause. Most of us have a love-hate relationship with time. Either we feel we never have enough or conversely, we’re bored if we have nothing to fill our time. But as I’ve spoken about before in my meditation post, by taking these pauses, we actually create more time.
Distorted view of time
I’m amazed at how many people I come into contact with that have a poor concept of time. They say the task assigned to them will only take “30 minutes”, however one and half hours later they still have not completed it. Now I realize some people have poor productivity skills, but mostly this is a poor concept and understanding of time.
I remember the time we tried to teach our children this concept, as they kept interrupting us during dinner conversation. We set the microwave timer for one minute; no one was allowed to speak for one full minute. It was agony. After it was over, they accused us of setting the timer for a longer time. Needless to say that day we ALL learned exactly how long one minute was!
what about time management?
The other issue with time is our obsession with “managing” it. Guilty as charged, I hear the words, “Use your time wisely” flowing from my mouth to others and even more so to myself. The internet is flooded with time management tools, courses and books. Which clearly indicates our poor relationship with time.
Even though I have excellent time management skills, I have struggled for years with allowing myself to become a slave of time. Because truth be told, until you get your relationship with time balanced, you don’t manage time, time manages you. Learning how a sacred pause could change my life was a game changer for me.
what is a sacred pause?
A pause is simply suspending activity; taking your hands off the controls, temporarily disengaging from a stimulus. I like to call it a “sacred” pause because it allows for reflection, acceptance of what “is” now, and opportunity for the spirit and mind to become one. This is not a “new” concept nor is it a purely religious practice. Psychologists often use it in cognitive behavioral exercises with their patients.
An especially helpful practice to avoid reacting in a negative way to a comment, a sacred pause additionally helps in making better decisions in the moment. For example, when reaching for food after I’ve already eaten lunch, I can take a scared pause, a few deep breaths. I can ask myself, “Are you hungry or bored?” maybe stress plays a part in my need for food. All of that can be determined in a five second pause, reflecting on my current thoughts and feelings. Remember, thoughts create emotions, emotions create actions and actions create results. This little pause can help avert those actions that lead to unpleasant results.
“If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?”
John Wooden
How to use the sacred pause
Taking a sacred pause requires less than a minute; in fact in less than 30 seconds you can change the trajectory of your day. Case in point; recently someone did something that totally upset and angered me. I wanted to retaliate in the worst way; instead I took a few deep breaths. I asked myself, “Who do you want to be in this moment?” That question alone stopped me in my tracks. I knew who I wanted to be; the person I would be proud of tomorrow, with no regrets.
By using a sacred pause, I acknowledged the emotion of anger, but instead of trying to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling of anger by retaliation, I held it. Holding the emotion is not burying it, it’s simply viewing it non-judgmentally. Accepting it, feeling it, but not making any attempt to get rid of it. In so doing, you cease resisting and it dissipates. By taking a few deep breaths and asking myself that question, I chose to respond as a woman of self-control, kindness and wisdom.
“Do something today that your future self will thank you for.”
A Sacred Pause Changes the Future Now
Some days I nail using a sacred pause and others I fail miserably. But I do know in that space of 30 seconds I can make new decisions and choices that change my future. A sacred pause is simply a mindfulness technique used in the present moment to check in with your thoughts and emotions to enable you to show up as the person you want to be rather than allowing them to dictate the person that shows up.
Similar to the mindful check in which takes about 5 minutes, a sacred pause takes less than a minute and can be used in any circumstance. Whether facing choices alone or determining how to respond to someone else this is an invaluable tool. Try these tips to begin to learn how a sacred pause can change your life.
tips to using A sacred pause
- Stop and breathe. No matter whether alone or engaging with someone else, you always have the option to stop and breathe. Just a few seconds to tune into your thoughts and emotions, will change the course of the situation.
- Ask questions. Just asking “Who do you want to be” in any given moment will help you make better choices. Asking if the current direction will help you be that person or accomplish your goals will ensure a better choice.
- Recognize default patterns. Know your default mode for dealing with trigger emotions. Instead of defaulting to overwhelm again, remember you can choose to do things differently, to show up differently. You don’t have to stay stuck in past choices.
- Expect failure. Don’t fear failure. You won’t get it right all the time. You’ll still make a bad choice or give in to a negative emotion. Determine to learn from the failure. Recognize what was going on in your thoughts that led to the bad choice.
- Know your “why”. Be clear on who you want to be and why. Honesty is key here. If people pleasing drives your choices, a scared pause will reveal that motive.
“I need to take a sacred pause, as if I were a sun warmed rock in the center of a rushing river.” ~Dawna Markova
A new future from a tiny pause
Life consists of many small choices along the way. When you think about it, how long does it really take to make a choice? I know some people agonize over every decision, but I’m talking about the little things, a few seconds? That’s a sacred pause, in that tiny space you obtain the ability to change your trajectory in the future moments. But it requires intention, awareness and the courage to stop, reflect and at times change course.
So the next time you feel triggered, or on the brink of engaging in the default behavior of overwhelm, procrastination, overeating, or your particular favorite, PAUSE. In that split second before you engage in that emotion or behavior, take a sacred pause, take a few deep breaths, reflect. Ask “who do I want to be in this moment?”, “how can I use these few seconds to make a new choice, or direction?” By using a sacred pause, you can change your life a few seconds at a time, creating a future without regrets.
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