Grief is funny that way. Though at times the overwhelming sorrow chokes my next breath, the gladness of grief appears in the sweetest memories. Which if not for grief, would slip quietly away, unnoticed.
Binding happier times within our hearts, grief’s work over time, secures healing through the very moments which seem lost forever.
Yes, with the passing of time the wounds of grief become less painful, but sometimes saying good-bye to an important aspect of life resurfaces old grief. The closing of another year receives a visit from old grief for me.
Yet with it, comes gladness. The gladness of remembering a gift I never expected.
from gladness to grief
With the close of the year 2015, our family looked forward to a new beginning, and a long-awaited precious gift set to arrive around January 13th.
The excitement of my son and daughter-in-law expecting their first child after numerous miscarriages and failed in-vitro-fertilization attempts, met us with the dawn of each day, as the due date drew near.
Sadly, the precious gift did not arrive as we all anticipated. I still remember the call the morning of January 11, 2016, and the feeling of all my gladness draining away in an unending moment of grief.
Indigo Evangeline was stillborn. You can read her story here.
from grief to gladness
Though stillborn, she was still born; her life had meaning. Her beautiful eyes opened first on the face of Jesus in her forever home.
Held her whole life by her beloved mama, she was loved, nurtured and treasured.
Though I only held her once on this earth, I hold her in my heart always until the day we meet again and will never say goodbye.
The gladness of holding the precious gift of Indie visits me every January 11th, chasing the grief of her loss away. Because a day is coming when God will wipe away all tears from our eyes, and death and sorrow will be no more. (Revelation 21:5-7)
Happy Birthday Indie!
Happy 7th Birthday in Heaven, my Sweet Indie! Words can never express the anguish of that day, 7 years ago when I both welcomed you and said good-bye to you.
Your beautiful face will forever be imprinted on my heart as I held you for the first and last time.
I remember driving home, thinking I wish I could’ve looked into your eyes just once to say “I love you”, but I said it still.
Then my heart found comfort in the thought that the first person you would see when you opened your sweet eyes would be Jesus. How precious that memory is to me.
Not a day has passed that I have not missed you, not wondered what you would say or do at any particular time.
I look for you in the Indigo sky at sunrise and whisper kisses to you in the rose lavender of the sunset.
My heart will always miss you until the day we meet face to face. My heart finds rest in knowing you are safe, and oh so happy with Jesus.
Until that day, my precious Indie, know that I carries you in my heart and Sweetie, I can’t wait for you to show me around Heaven! Give Golda a special hug from me, I miss her so very much too.
the gladness of grief
Today I celebrate the gladness of grief which opens the window of my heart on the memory of Indie. Celebrating the beauty of her life and the gift she will always be to me.
From the book I gifted Indie before her birth, “Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman, these words linger in my heart this day:
I wanted you more than you will ever know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go. You are my Angel, my darling, my star…and my love will find you, wherever you are.
Nancy Tillman
On this January 11, 2023, Indigo Evangeline, You Are Loved.
“The closing of another year receives a visit from old grief for me.” I felt this grief myself as 2022 came to a close without a resolution in a critical relationship (I know you understand what I mean). My heart aches that you experienced such a loss with Indigo Evangeline. Your reunion with her one day will be a joyous moment! I love reading how much you love her.
Thank you, Lisa for your kind words, and I most certainly do understand your feelings of grief. I have two estranged relationships which still pierce my heart. Praying for you dear friend!
Aw, Donna … thank you for sharing about little Indi’s time on earth, and now in heaven. “Though stillborn, she was still born.” What a beautiful way to express it. Hugging you hard from afar, my friend.
Thank you, Lois, for your kind words of comfort. I appreciate you stepping into my grief with your hugs!
Happy angel day sweet Indie, I can’t wait for the day when your grandma introduces me to you.
Donna, this is such a lovely post. I believe grief & happiness can indeed go hand in hand.
Visiting today from Let’s Have Coffee #19&20
Thank you so much my sweet Friend for your beautiful blessings on Indie’s birthday! What a day it will be when we do indeed meet and truly know one another in that place where there will be no goodbyes! Your sweet words bring such comfort to me!
Donna, this is a beautiful piece. We normally don’t associate gladness and grief with each other. But many things in the spiritual realm don’t make sense in the natural realm. And the Lord was the first to show us there is such a thing as grief and gladness sharing the same space. I’m so sorry for your loss of sweet Indie. Thank you for sharing your journey. It helps the rest of us who walk through grief in some way, which is a part of this life. God bless!
Thank you, Karen, for your kind encouragement! It does seem counterintuitive, but I am learning gladness and grief do coexist. We all share that fellowship of grief in this life and comforting one another brings joy on the hardest days.
I hear your heart, Donna. I lost a little grandson. Today I was filling out my 2023 calendar and wrote his birthday and the day he met Jesus face to face.
Thank you, Linda for sharing your fellowship of suffering with me. What a sweet idea to think of the privilege our little ones had of meeting Jesus face to face! Reminding ourselves of that truth brings comfort on an otherwise hard day.
Donna, prayers for you dear sweet friend. Happy Heaven Birthday to precious Indie. So much love here❤🙏
Thank you, Deborah, for your kindness. This is always a hard day, but beautiful in its own way. I praise God for Indie’s life.
Donna, I cannot imagine this loss. How blessed she was to be held and loved by you. How precious it is to know one day we will forever be with our loved ones, never to be separated again. He truly will wipe away every tear and fill us with a forever joy in Him. {{hugs}}
Thank you, Joanne for your kind words. With each passing year I learn to appreciate Indie’s short life even more, as I look forward to meeting her one day in heaven.