Among the many lessons of Lent, my journey to the Cross this year yielded a deeper appreciation for the spiritual discipline of confession and a new understanding of the peace of spiritual vulnerability.
Embracing authenticity before God and others through spiritual vulnerability, forges intimacy with God and connection with others in the bond of peace.
But too often we prefer hiding the truth about ourselves from others and even God in an attempt to control outcomes and manipulate people. At other times, we despair of our own brokenness to the extent we feel unworthy of connection.
embracing vulnerability
Over the past several years pursuing a healing journey, vulnerability enabled me to fully live broken. Though remarkably painful, removing carefully constructed masks requires courage and authenticity with others.
But the resulting freedom and healing not only opens a pathway to greater connection with others, but helped me know myself in a more authentic way.
Brene’ Brown, in her work, Daring Greatly, explains: “Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper or more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
Ultimately about risk, vulnerability invites us into the light; a place of truth, with a willingness to be seen and known. While we often think hiding behind anonymity or a people pleasing mask presents a more acceptable persona, we sacrifice true connection, and worse, we lose our real selves.
spiritual vulnerability
One thing became painfully clear to me on my own journey; all of my carefully constructed defense and protection mechanisms designed to keep others from seeing my brokenness, only stifled my spiritual growth.
If I run from vulnerability with others, I run from spiritual vulnerability with God.
The difference, however, is that while I may experience success in covering my brokenness with others, God sees all. But my bringing a false self to Him results in my inability to truly know Him, experience His love, and become the person He created me to be.
If, on the other hand, I lean into spiritual vulnerability with God, while not revealing anything unknown to Him, the process opens my heart to receive healing, love, and a deeper intimacy.
The process of being real with God, myself, and others, though painful, results in humility born of a fuller understanding of grace, which inspires vulnerability, compassion, and ultimately spiritual growth.
the peace of spiritual vulnerability
By far, the surpassing blessing experienced on my healing journey was the peace of spiritual vulnerability. Because at its essence, vulnerability is about honesty; owning our stories both before others and God.
“We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.”
When we honestly and authentically come before God without pretense, He delivers us from the bondage of sin and woundedness.
Peace becomes a tremendous gift, as we no longer feel the need to strive or earn God’s love and acceptance. He meets us right in the middle of our brokenness, redeeming it as He empowers us to then open our hearts to others.
Pursuing the Peace of Vulnerability
At first, vulnerability feels hard, especially if like me, you made a career of hiding your brokenness from God and others. But what feels like weakness in admitting our brokenness becomes strength when placed in the redemptive hands of God.
I found the following steps helpful in shifting my perspective from one of hiding or protecting, to one of openness and engagement.
- Face your fears. The greatest hindrance to vulnerability both with God and others, is fear of rejection. Face this fear by identifying your own avoidance tactics and triggers. Notice especially how you avoid certain topics even with God.
- Meditate on Psalm 139, but especially Psalm 139:1-2, 23-24. Slowly bring vulnerability to your relationship with God, then outwardly in other relationships.
- Choose humility over fear. Humility brings honesty and authenticity to relationships. Pride hides; portraying a guarded or defensive front. Choose humility by identifying topics and triggers which create a hardened, protective exterior for you.
- Meditate on Matthew 26:37-39, as Jesus demonstrated humble vulnerability in the face of great pain.
- Meditate on God’s view of humility in Psalm 51:17, and His response in Isaiah 42:3. The honesty of humility gives you courage to be known by God and others.
- Acknowledge inadequacy and shame. Second only to rejection, shame presents a serious hindrance to vulnerability both with God and others. Breeding feelings of inadequacy, shame keeps you on an endless guilt trip. Worst of all, it destroys intimacy by pushing you into performance to avoid closeness.
- Meditate on Psalm 40:12, recognizing the source of your shame and inadequacy in past sins. Confess any unconfessed sin, and accept forgiveness and remember God no longer holds them against you. (Psalm 103:10-12)
- Trust God. Pandering to fears and pride yield avoidance, hiding, and distancing from God and others, while betraying the true source of your trust: yourself. Trusting your own devices undermines vulnerability and intimacy, while isolating you from God’s redemptive plan for your failures and weaknesses.
- Meditate on Proverbs 3:5-8, recognizing the blessings of trusting in God rather than your own ways.
- Meditate on Isaiah 26:3-4, recognizing true peace comes from complete trust in God.
the healing of vulnerability
Continuing to walk my own healing journey, choosing the truth of scripture over my emotions, spiritual counsel over my own opinions, and implicit trust in God, builds vulnerability in my life.
As I establish deeper intimacy with God, the peace of spiritual vulnerability removes self-focus, and acknowledges God’s hand in my story. Bringing a fearlessness in relationships to be known and loved.
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Beautiful piece, Donna. I’ve never associated humility and vulnerability with peace, but it makes sense. I know when I’m vulnerable with the Lord and others, the connection always runs deeper and is more authentic. I particularly liked how you note to acknowledge inadequacy.
Thank you so much, Karen for taking the time to read my post! It’s funny but in my pursuit of peace, God has led me to learning more about being vulnerable!
So much food for thought here, Donna. Starting with this: “When we honestly and authentically come before God without pretense, He delivers us from the bondage of sin and woundedness.” What a gift when God’s deliverance frees us from the fear and opinions of other people, which enables us to be more open with them, which results in so many other good things. I will be pondering all this for awhile, dear friend …
Lois, God has been working in my heart a good deal in this area. I am amazed how transforming it is to relationships of all kinds, not to mention freeing to me.
Of course, you risk judgement from others, but when you are authentically as God made you, and completely vulnerable with Him, some people will not like that because their own bonds chaff. I’m learning to be OK when that happens.
Donna, wow what an important topic as I often shy away from being vulnerable. Thank you for all these Scriptures to meditate on. I love your all your thoughts and words here.
Deborah, I think we all struggle with vulnerability! But learning to be vulnerable with God helps us work outward with others. Praising God, you were blessed here today!
It’s really scary to be vulnerable especially when we’ve done nothing but keep a strong and put together façade for a long time. It’s good that we can be vulnerable in front of a God who knows us more than we know ourselves and loves us still. This is a beautiful reflection. Thank you for sharing this. 🙂
Lux, I echo your thoughts in the scariness of vulnerability. Alot of security comes when we wear masks, but it’s a false security, because we know the truth. But starting with dropping those masks with God can encourage and strengthen us to be more authentic with others.
I have to face the thing I feel,
the path that works for me.
I’m the unbroken Man of Steel,
with no vulnerability
that lets someone, however dear,
too close, for I cannot afford
the risk, and I must make it clear
that this sadly includes the Lord.
Perhaps it might truly be better
to be more open, and alive,
but I am strengthened by my fetters,
and through fell years I yet survive
when others with less grit within
would long ago have given in.
Andrew, your poems really speak directly to my heart! I feel like that wo[man] of steel. Keeping it all together, toughing it out, especially with God. Something can be said for that “grit”!
For type A personalities this is one thing that is difficult for us to do, to show our vulnerability.
We mask that we have things under control, especially our emotions. But we are human & being vulnerable to our Heavenly Father is the first step in the healing process of our brokenness.
I;m glad He does it gently but persistently.
Blessings sweet friend, Jennifer
Jennifer, you hit the nail on the head! Type A personalities definitely struggle with vulnerability due to their need to control or at least appear to control things! I feel the first step to being more authentic is starting in our relationship with God, then He will enable us to work outward from there.
I’m eternally thankful for this eternal truth, Donna, “I lean into spiritual vulnerability with God, while not revealing anything unknown to Him, the process opens my heart to receive healing, love, and deeper intimacy.
Lisa, it is such a blessing to know God fully knows us, and yet fully loves us, so much that He brings healing to our broken places.
It took me a long time to be completely open and vulnerable with God. The realization that He knew all that was going on in my heart anyway helped. We know He loves us, wants our best, and will lovingly correct.
It’s a bit trickier with people. We don’t have the same assurance that they will understand and not judge. But those who love us best will do their best. And there’s a sense in which we can’t really know and minister to each other without vulnerability. When we drop the facade of “having it all together,” other people feel free to admit the same.
Barb, my experience was very similar, though it took a while to be vulnerable with God, eventually I did because I trusted His love. But YES, people are a bit trickier, and we need discernment and the Holy Spirit to guide in those situations. But I do believe we become better ministers when we stop hiding and lean more towards authenticity. Then as you mention others find their way there too.
It’s funny how we spending the second half of our life unlearning all the bad habits from the first half. I recognize my need to NOT be vulnerable, and your words have given me much to ponder.
Anita, I like your perspective. Isn’t it the truth that we DO spend the second half of our lives unlearning bad habits! I praise God for His promise to complete the work He started in us and trust He will strengthen us to learn better habits!