I made an important discovery in a recent therapy session. One of many important discoveries along the way, this revelation was the piece (and peace) I needed at my current crossroads. Relentless at best, resolving and processing past trauma requires continued perspective shifts. I now stood at the crossroads of another perspective shift, continue the focus on wounds or shift the focus to the wonder of progress made so far?
While processing and healing trauma necessitates revisiting and examination of some wounds, at some point the relentless visitation proves exhausting as well as counterproductive.
As someone processing multiple and complicated instances of trauma over the course of my sixty-six years of life, you can imagine the number of trips down anguish avenue I have made.
Through my courage to traverse the painful terrain, the expertise of my therapist, and most importantly God’s faithfulness, significant healing is evident in my life. But more and more I feel the nudge to shift perspective, grappling with the question of focus on wounds or wonder?
Joy, one of the signs of my nervous system healing, resides at home with me more now than in previous years. During my healing journey as God manifested His presence in affirming ways, joy accompanied moments when I recognized Him near me. I learned it was possible to experience joy even amid the hardships and wrestling with the past.
But I also learned the object of my focus shaped my experience. An intense focus on wounds resulted in a transient joy, weak and short-lived. While a focus on wonder created an explosion of lasting joy.
Working hard revisiting past wounds exclusively focused on healing, kept me stuck in heavy emotions with only a glimpse of the joy possible on the other side. My perspective of tenacious seizure of past wounds, with intent to heal them all so that I experienced freedom and peace was not only exhausting, but unrealistic.
Healing is a journey not an event. And sometimes that journey involves stops other than relentless wound probing.
As I opened space for exploring wonder, I discovered unexpected moments of God’s presence bringing with it unshakable joy. Maybe a gorgeous sunset, the laughter of children playing, an unusual kindness from a friend, or a moment of deep peace which made no sense given my circumstances, embraced me. Though none of these moments erased my pain, they affirmed God’s never-ending presence and joy, even in hardship.
Wounds or wonder? Choosing wonder especially when it makes no sense allows us to hold onto joy, giving us strength and hope to move forward.
Yet in this season I found my focus dead set more on wounds and what was wrong, rather than on all the things going well and my progress within my healing journey.
It reminded me of the story of the disciple Thomas in John 20:24-29, who, though the other disciples told him Jesus was alive, claimed unless he saw Jesus’ wounds, he would not believe. Think about this, when one week later he saw Jesus come through the wall of the upper chamber where they were all meeting, he glanced at the miracle but focused on the wounds.
Rather than standing amazed at Jesus Christ, alive and victorious before him, or falling down in awe of the Savior of the world risen from the dead, he insisted on feeling the scars instead.
When living in the hard places, all too often this is our plight too. We fixate on the pain, the disappointments, and all that is missing from our lives, allowing our emotions to define our reality. The story of Thomas reminds us that perspective matters.
As I thought about my own journey and the Holy Spirit’s nudge to pursue a perspective of wonder, I realized the bigger truth: God is still working, still present, still sending moments of wonder my way. This in no way denies the pain of past wounds, but it validates joy’s permanence in suffering through the presence of God.
“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
Yes, life is an unimaginable mix of highs and lows, of breathtaking wonder and deep wounds, even apart from past trauma. But we choose our perspective, which shapes our experience. Perhaps even amid facing the hard reality of our wounds, we can choose a more wonder focused perspective allowing God to bind up our wounds with His eternal joy.
*Excerpts from Tauren Wells’ book, Joy Bombs informed my thinking and gave me clarity on my crossroads moment with wounds and wonder.
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“Perspective shifts” – I am trying to become more graceful, more muscle memory on my perspective shifts – and when the wound demands attention, I pivot to prayer, to praise, – the the wonder He sets before me. I remember years ago attending a divorce care class because as a child of divorce, I was interested in working in that ministry. I never went back – all they did was sit in the mess and study it. I thought if I had done that, I would never have left the mess behind. I focused on where I wanted my life to be – and the closer I drew to God, where He wanted my life to be. Perspective Shifts – how I love that word – and how important it is to move from broken to redeemed! Thank you for sharing this and your heart on this!
Mayleigh, your insightful comments resonate with me. Reflecting on our situations with the help of the Holy Spirit gives us discernment and ultimately needed perspective shifts. The more we lean into this, the stronger our “muscle memory” becomes and we learn to see things more from God’s perspective. Your experience with the divorce care class is exactly what I was thinking of when I wrote this post. I have similar experience involved with writers who seem to get stuck telling tragic stories over and over again instead of finding God and His redemption there. God never wanted us to remain at the bottom of the pit of despair but brings us out that we can show others hope and redemption.