In keeping with my focus on a gentle approach to the new year, laying down my self-improvement toolbelt, and leaning into a less achievement oriented purposeful rest, I said farewell to the albatross of personal development.
I am convinced that excessive focus on personal development is the bane of spiritual growth.
For as long as I can remember, an unhealthy focus on self-improvement dictated my driven personality. From pulling off the latest hairstyle or clothing trends to cultivating interests consistent with the in-crowd, I labored at molding an acceptable persona.
Suffering rejection even as a child, living with words spoken over me conveying, I was “too much” in some situations and “not enough” in others, too ugly, too stupid, and in short, never measured up in anything, I determined at a young age to become everything I lacked.
But my staunch efforts resulted in nothing more than a keen ability at becoming a chameleon and burying my true self alive. Still, a tireless worker, armed with goals, resolutions, and every personal development tool available, I continued laboring to craft the person who would never suffer rejection.
Far from unique, my story is much the same as many people I meet at work, online, and even at church. Our culture inundates us with subliminal messages about the appearance, possessions, and careers of successful people.
Fueled by a rapidly growing personal development field, now there are personal coaches and courses to help you develop your best self in everything from careers, to parenting, and dressing for success. Bombarding us with messages and mantras for acceptance.
But what is the benchmark?
When do we receive our certificate of completion?
Personal development, which I fondly call society’s black hole, lures us into a web of promised success and acceptance, until we lose our way in what is most important. Feeding our discontent, we chase after an illusion and in the end, we lose ourselves for an ill-defined ideal.
For these reasons and a few more, I said farewell to personal development. Over time, I found an over emphasis on self-improvement leads me further from the person God intended I would become.
But perhaps the most damaging results of hyper-focus on self-improvement surfaces in our Christian culture. Many Christians I know live a defeated, exhausted life attempting to earn acceptance within Christian circles and even from God.
Even more subversive than society’s picture of success, some church cultures impose unrealistic and non-biblical standards of service, sacrifice, and lifestyle of the “successful Christian”.
We labor to conform to modesty in appearance, ministry involvement, and bible knowledge, often motivated more by acceptance than a heart of obedience. Comparing ourselves with ourselves we become fools in our inexhaustible efforts at becoming Christ like. (2 Corinthians 10:12)
Yet God invites us not to work harder to become like Christ, but to rest in the knowledge that He will accomplish the work He promised to do.
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
At salvation God began a work in me, conforming me to the image of Christ. Promising to complete it, He invites me to rest in the certainty of His completed work.
No matter how much we strive to become like Christ, we remain powerless to accomplish what only God can do. In fact, by the very nature of our striving, we negate the outcome we desire. When we insist on doing what only God can do, we dishonor Him with our pride and lack of trust in Him.
While there is nothing wrong with a desire for working toward excellence in our lives, when we pursue it from a place of earning approval from people and God, we have lost our way.
Rather than the pursuit of personal development, based on dissatisfaction with my perceived shortcomings, the opinions of others, or earning approval, whether in the church or outside of it, I am instead choosing surrender.
Along with choosing to trust God’s perfect plan for our becoming Christ-like, may we also choose like the Apostle Paul to glory in our weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest upon us. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
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So much truth here! I never quite fit in, was like you said, either too much or not enough, and just basically inadequate, needing to be “fixed.” Yet, when I discovered I was God-designed, that I am all the jumble of things that I am by divine design, a work in progress – and God the worker – I stopped trying to meet everyone else’s expectations of how I should be – and focused on how He sees me. I’ve been living free to be me through Him for about 25 years now (it’s so hard to believe it’s been that long and that I am that old). Some days it’s still a battle, but I just refocus on Him! What a battle cry you have given us to shake off our chains!
Maryleigh, this is so beautiful, once we realize we are “God-designed”, we can embrace the tension of leaning into our divine identity while also holding space for the truth that we are still in the process of “becoming”.
Thank you. Do you hear my big THANK YOU.
AW Aritha, thank YOU! I praise God this resonated with you too!
I am wanting to be conscious of how large God is and how small I am . Thinking often about the attributes and character of God and His unlimited abilities. Lately I’ve been saying with Job, “ I sit in dust and ashes “. And “I put my hand over my mouth”. For God is too wonderful for me to fully comprehend.
Margie, I love that thought, to be conscious of how large God is and how small we are. I wonder just how much would change for us if we could truly grasp that truth? All our efforts at improving ourselves in an effort to earn acceptance from others and God would come to an end I dare say!
I hear you loud and clear. That used to be me too. As I matured in Jesus old desires drifted away. This resonated with me today.
Visiting today from Joanne’s
Thank you, Paula! We are not a self-improvement project; we can rest accepted in the beloved!!
Focus and surrender are such keywords, Donna. Anything that takes our focus off Him can become an idol or place of strife and pride. When He is our focus, we walk in a place of abiding rest and joyful obedience. And no matter what that looks like – relaxed or intense, it comes from a place of rest in Christ and obedience in following His lead,
Amen, Lisa, our only focus must be on God and surrendering to His complete work in us!
Donna, this post speaks to me deeply. I have always disliked personal assessment tests as they can so easily. be skewed by our misplaced aspirations. In fact, I have often wondered what was wrong with me that I didn’t find them fun and interesting. Reading this post, your words, brought such a release to my heart this morning. I can just rest in who He created me to be. “God invites us not to work harder to become like Christ, but to rest in the knowledge that He will accomplish the work He promised to do.” Amen. Praying those words this morning that God would help me to accomplish His purposes for my life. Thank you, friend, for sharing this post and your tender reflections. They always speak to my heart!
Joanne, I rejoice that God met you here in these words. Like you, I have never done well on those assessment tests and felt lacking like I had to work harder. But God truly began a good work in us that only He can do, and He will finish the work. He only desires that we rest in Him. It is so freeing to realize we are accepted in the beloved!